Intro
I sit alone in this heavy silence, watching myself slowly fade. Je suis engourdi — numb, detached, as vanity quietly crowned herself queen and my soul began rehearsing its own death with terrifying ease. I see it on every screen, jumping off bridges in tragic slow motion, while something inside me barely reacts anymore. Suicidal thoughts drift in like familiar shadows I no longer bother to fight, and without my soul I can feel myself slipping toward something manic and hollow. Yet beneath the numbness, a raw ache awakens — a deep, quiet refusal. I want myself back. Not gently, not softly, but with clenched fists and burning determination. This time I reach inward with vengeance.
Outro
And so I rise from these knees, still heavy, still scarred, but no longer borrowed. The numbness lingers like an old coat I refuse to wear anymore. Vanity may still whisper from the throne, and the screens may keep playing their tragic loops, but my soul is no longer performing for them. I carry it back into the quiet, bruised yet alive, stitched together with quiet rage and hard-earned clarity. The bridge is still there, but I am no longer walking toward it.
Spiritual Takeaway
In the end, this journey reveals a profound spiritual truth: when vanity enthrones itself and strips the soul bare, Ecclesiastes’ ancient cry “all is vanity” becomes not a sentence of despair, but a doorway to freedom. The numbness, the televised tragedy, the near-suicidal drift… all of it serves as a severe mercy, exposing the emptiness of life lived apart from the Divine. True restoration does not return us to naïve Eden, but draws us back to that original state of soul-union with God, this time with open eyes and a surrendered heart. Vengeance against the lie becomes holy pursuit. The bridge loses its power the moment we choose Presence over performance.
Poem Fragment